The next Oscar ceremony is in March next year, right as the election year is building momentum.  Fortunately, Hollywood and beyond has produced a large batch of political films for voters to ponder.

And the nominees are…

1.  SICKO You’ve probably heard of this one.  The purpose of this film is to tell Americans their healthcare system sucks.  JimK also stars.  (well kinda)

2.  CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR Apparently, this is the Oscar frontrunner, so get ready to hate it, all you non-liberals (to borrow CM’s term).  Based on a novel by CBS newsman George Crile, starring Tom Hanks as Charlie Wilson, the US congressman who negotiated extra funding for the CIA to back the Mujahideen against the Soviets.  Even as a bit of a libtard myself sometimes, I can’t fail to recognise that the purpose of this film is to remind the American public that the US armed the Taliban in the first place.  No doubt this film will portray Wilson as an arrogant Texan.  I’m less certain they will mention he was a Democrat.  Julia Roberts also stars.

3.  RENDITION Who can resist Reese Witherspoon in a hijab?  Witherspoon stars as Isabella El-Ibrahim, the American wife of a Middle-Eastern man who is stolen away in the night by “extraordinary rendition” and taken to somewhere like Poland and interrogated for information.  Jake Gyllenhaal stars as a CIA agent with a conscience, who witnesses this interrogation and feels bad about it, and so goes off and hooks up with Reese (or was that in real life, I’m not sure).  The purpose of this film is to remind the American public that the people they interrogate are real people too, who might even be married to beautiful blonde Americans.  If only you bothered to get to know them, you’d all feel less happy about torturing them.  Meryl Streep also stars.

4.  IN THE VALLEY OF ELAH Paul Haggis (director of Crash, writer of Million Dollar Baby, Flags Of Our Fathers, Casino Royale) directs a film about a father, Tommy Lee Jones, trying to find out what happened to his son who died well serving his tour of duty in Iraq.  Now this may be a patriotic, pro-troop film which will bolster support for the war in Iraq.  But Susan Sarandon also stars, so maybe not.  The word is that this film deals with the touchy subject (just ask CM) of the behaviour of US soldiers.  The purpose of this film is to tell the American public that all the troops who don’t want to be there are victims, and all the ones who do are baby-killing monsters (sic).  In another triumph for gritty realism, Charlize Theron stars as a cop.

5.  THE KITE RUNNER Based on a recent best-seller by Afghan Khaled Hosseini.  One of the purposes of this film, no doubt, is to humanise the islamic world and remind Americans what a remarkable country Afghanistan was before the Americans and Russians and Islamic extremists came along and ruined it.  Having said that, this is also the story of a man who escapes the Taliban tyranny and finds happiness in America.  It also stars no famous people, so it’s probably pretty good.

6.  LIONS FOR LAMBS Robert Redford directs himself and Tom Cruise and Meryl Streep.  A multi-thread story, a-la Babel.  Redford is a political science professor trying to convince one of his students not to enlist with his friends who are already in Afghanistan getting shot at.  Tom Cruise stars as a congressman debating the morality of the war on terror with a journalist played by Streep.  The purpose of this film is to make Americans question the morality of the war on terror.  And what better way to demonise the pro-war point of view than to have Tom Cruise represent it.  (I can see the veins on his forehead pulsing already)

7. NOTHING IS PRIVATE Based on the novel “Towelhead” about an Arab-American teenage girl who is sent by her American mother to live with her strict Lebanese father in Texas.  There she falls in love with a bigoted Army reservist (aren’t they all).  The purpose of this film… Oh, God, I don’t really know, but Muslims seem to be popular this year at the multiplex.  Toni Collette and Aaron Eckhart star.

8.  A MIGHTY HEART We’ve already had this one.  Starring Angelina Jolie in a little too much make-up.  She stars as Mariane Pearl, wife of Daniel Pearl, murdered by terrorists in Pakistan in 2002.  The film has been criticised for portraying Daniel Pearl as too much of a hero.

Kite Runner is meant to be excellent. I may pass on the rest though.

r.j. - 16 July 2007 05:17 AM

2.  CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR Even as a bit of a libtard myself sometimes, I can’t fail to recognise that the purpose of this film is to remind the American public that the US armed the Taliban in the first place.

Ah well, so we were 3rd in line at being evil -first came the poet Soviets, then the mujahadeen, then the almighty dollar.  But Allah wanted it this way so the whole thing is rather moot, since none of you will tell a Muslim Allah is wrong. Or the Russkis that they are alcoholic child pornographers, and the original White People.

I think the last film that I saw in a theatre was the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” or “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe”, I can’t remember when either of them came out.

The only film I’ve seen that might have Oscar consideration for next year’s shindig is “Pan’s Labyrinth”.  I liked it alot, though I saw it in the comfort of my easy chair and not the theatre.  My televisions ancient but I have a better sound system than the local theatre does.

You left one out.

9.  TRANSFORMERS The true Oscar frontrunner this year, only because it rocked the balls right off the competition.  Michael Bay has made a stirring commentary on the human race, while managing to incorporate relevant elements of real life, such as Nokia, Mountain Dew, and Ebay at the same time.  Experts say that Bayformers could win the coveted “Best Movie Ever Made” Oscar, which has only been given out once before...to HIGHLANDER.

crichton - 16 July 2007 10:24 PM

I think the last film that I saw in a theatre was the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” or “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe”, I can’t remember when either of them came out.

The only film I’ve seen that might have Oscar consideration for next year’s shindig is “Pan’s Labyrinth”.  I liked it alot, though I saw it in the comfort of my easy chair and not the theatre.  My televisions ancient but I have a better sound system than the local theatre does.

Pan’s Labyrinth was last year.  It won a couple of technical awards I think.  It was supposed to come out on DVD in NZ last week, but when I went into the store to get it, it wasn’t there, so I had to get the two Clint Eastwood war films instead.

What store, r.j? JB Hifi?

r.j. - 17 July 2007 03:08 AM

crichton - 16 July 2007 10:24 PM

I think the last film that I saw in a theatre was the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” or “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe”, I can’t remember when either of them came out.

The only film I’ve seen that might have Oscar consideration for next year’s shindig is “Pan’s Labyrinth”.  I liked it alot, though I saw it in the comfort of my easy chair and not the theatre.  My televisions ancient but I have a better sound system than the local theatre does.

Pan’s Labyrinth was last year.  It won a couple of technical awards I think.  It was supposed to come out on DVD in NZ last week, but when I went into the store to get it, it wasn’t there, so I had to get the two Clint Eastwood war films instead.

There ya go.  That’s how detached from Hollywood that I am.  I really liked Pan’s Labyrinth, though.  The director had another movie that came out a few years ago, some kind of ghost story (can’t remember it’s name), but it was brilliant, spooky, scary, creepy and there was a huge undetonated bomb in the town square.

I gave up reality twenty-six years ago when my obstetrician told me I was pregnant with twins. I get enough reality reading my checkbook so I completely ignore “slice of life” or “gritty” or “socially relevant” books and movies.

So far this summer, I’ve taken my grandson to see PotC: At World’s End, Rise of the Silver Surfer and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I am not taking him to Transformers. When his father and his two uncles were kids, I listened to Transformers at least five days a week. (shudder).

I saw the trailer for The Golden Compass. That looks like it has lots of good potential. There was a trailer for something called Fred Claus. That looks like it will out-do the last Santa Clause movie for sheer idiocy and potty humore—which means it’ll probably bring in millions. Feh.

samsgran1948 - 17 July 2007 11:19 AM

I get enough reality reading my checkbook so I completely ignore “slice of life” or “gritty” or “socially relevant” books and movies.

When it comes to movies, I’ll watch everything but the kitchen-sink drama.

2. CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR Apparently, this is the Oscar frontrunner, so get ready to hate it, all you non-liberals (to borrow CM’s term). Based on a novel by CBS newsman George Crile, starring Tom Hanks as Charlie Wilson, the US congressman who negotiated extra funding for the CIA to back the Mujahideen against the Soviets. Even as a bit of a libtard myself sometimes, I can’t fail to recognise that the purpose of this film is to remind the American public that the US armed the Taliban in the first place. No doubt this film will portray Wilson as an arrogant Texan. I’m less certain they will mention he was a Democrat. Julia Roberts also stars.

They might have also left out that our money went to Afghans and not Arabs (re: future A Q) in Afghanistan…

Another contender.

9.  BATTLE IN SEATTLE Heroic portrayal of the Seattle WTO protests.  Directed by Stuart Townsend, the man still most famous for being sacked from the role of Aragorn in Lord of the Rings after filming began.  Townsend’s fiance Charlize Theron stars (possibly as a South African actress who travels to America and gets filthy rich starring in American movies… and who doesn’t like globalisation.)

r.j. - 24 July 2007 02:01 AM

Another contender.

9. BATTLE IN SEATTLE Heroic portrayal of the Seattle WTO protests. Directed by Stuart Townsend, the man still most famous for being sacked from the role of Aragorn in Lord of the Rings after filming began. Townsend’s fiance Charlize Theron stars (possibly as a South African actress who travels to America and gets filthy rich starring in American movies… and who doesn’t like globalisation.)

Man, I had not noticed there was this much cr*p.... partially because I stopped being interested in movies since they have been such cr*p the last few years…

Should be Oscar-worthy - its got Woody Harrelson in it.

2.  CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR Apparently, this is the Oscar frontrunner, so get ready to hate it, all you non-liberals (to borrow CM’s term).  Based on a novel by CBS newsman George Crile, starring Tom Hanks as Charlie Wilson, the US congressman who negotiated extra funding for the CIA to back the Mujahideen against the Soviets.  Even as a bit of a libtard myself sometimes, I can’t fail to recognise that the purpose of this film is to remind the American public that the US armed the Taliban in the first place.  No doubt this film will portray Wilson as an arrogant Texan.  I’m less certain they will mention he was a Democrat.  Julia Roberts also stars.

I finally got around to seeing it and thought it was pleasantly entertaining, if 99% pure fiction. “Lets arm the Pakistanis so they can defend themselves against the godless Soviets” “Lets get A-rabs to kill Commies to kill A-rabs”

The lack of couth and culture on the American side was true: drunken, whoring, vulgar egotists seeking to kill women and children for shits and giggles, no matter the cost to the suffering US taxpayer.

Someone mentioned Pan’s Labyrinth in this thread.  The director, Gullermo Del Toro has just signed on to film the Hobbit.  2 movies filming over 4 years in New Zealand.

r.j. - 26 April 2008 07:54 AM

Someone mentioned Pan’s Labyrinth in this thread.  The director, Gullermo Del Toro has just signed on to film the Hobbit.  2 movies filming over 4 years in New Zealand.

Just when NZ has recovered from the last gringo mob that trampled through there obliterating NZ’s delicate ozone, fauna and flora for profit.