Before we get started, I’ll state my position: I’m of two minds on the Afghan War.  On the one hand, I don’t want to abandon the Aghan people and potentially recreate a safe haven for Al-Quaeda.  On the other hand, I’m not sure throwing more troops at the problem is going to help.  I’m also aware that we are—once again—doing the rest of the world’s work for them.  Nations that won’t lift a finger to help us will condemn us if Afghanistan falls into chaos.  I’m not sure there is a good option but I’m cautiously optimistic that an Iraq-esque surge—not just more troops but a change in strategy—could stabilize the situation enough for us to leave.  I’m also realistic enough to accept that making a deal with the less-repugnant factions of the Taliban may be necessary.

Moore’s position is more stark: he wants out, plain and simple.  While it provides him with a certain clarity, it also causes him to steamroll over inconvenient realities while huffing deep from a 55-gallon sized bag of stupid.

Do you really want to be the new “war president”? If you go to West Point tomorrow night (Tuesday, 8pm) and announce that you are increasing, rather than withdrawing, the troops in Afghanistan, you are the new war president. Pure and simple.

True enough.  That’s why it’s taken a long time to decide this.  By the end of his first year, Obama will own the wars, the economy, Gitmo, everything.  The “blame Bush” days will be—well, not over, since they’ll never be over—but lack an audience.  Obama knows the public will hold him responsible for what happens, which means he has to weigh his options, not instantly comply with liberal demands.

And with that you will do the worst possible thing you could do—destroy the hopes and dreams so many millions have placed in you. With just one speech tomorrow night you will turn a multitude of young people who were the backbone of your campaign into disillusioned cynics. You will teach them what they’ve always heard is true—that all politicians are alike. I simply can’t believe you’re about to do what they say you are going to do. Please say it isn’t so.

First of all, there are far “worse possible things” that Obama could do.  Running up massive debts comes to mind.  Smacking young idealists with the harsh reality how politics actually works—with compromise and debate—would not even make my list of the top 100 worst things Obama could do.  I’d actually placed it on a list of good things, slightly behind “64. Try not to bow to foreign royalty.”

Second, what was your first hint that Obama was just another politician, Michael?  When Obama rigged the auto bailout, the stimulus and healthcare to favor your special interests, those were matters of principle.  But the second he does something you don’t like, suddenly he’s “another politician”.  What special interests would he be catering to in continuing the war?  The “industrial military complex” that opposed him in 2008?  The Republicans who regard him as slightly to the left of Lenin? Rush Limbaugh?

Third, did you fucking pay attention during the election?  Obama ran on this policy.  He promised to put more troops into Afghanistan.  This is not breaking a campaign promise—it’s fulfilling one.

It is not your job to do what the generals tell you to do. We are a civilian-run government. WE tell the Joint Chiefs what to do, not the other way around. That’s the way General Washington insisted it must be. That’s what President Truman told General MacArthur when MacArthur wanted to invade China. “You’re fired!,” said Truman, and that was that.

We are a civilian-run government.  But it’s the job of the generals to figure out how to carry out the mission.  I don’t like McChrystal taking the squabble public, but his job is to tell Obama what is needed to do the mission.  It is Obama’s job to decide whether to accept or ignore that advice.

Let me be blunt: We love our kids in the armed services, but we f*#&in’ hate these generals, from Westmoreland in Vietnam to, yes, even Colin Powell for lying to the UN with his made-up drawings of WMD (he has since sought redemption).

Yes, we hate those damned generals.  We hated George Washington, U.S. Grant and Dwight Eisenhower so much that we elected them President.  We hated Robert E. Lee, George Patton, Douglas MacArthur, George Marshall and Norman Schwarzkopf so much they were revered around the nation.  And Colin Powell remains one of the most respected men in America who supported Obama in the election (that being the “seeking redemption” Mike references).

As an aside, any reading of the history of the Iraq War—I just read the outstanding The Dark Side—will tell you that Powell was fed bad information by the Bush Administration and his State Department thought we were going into Iraq woefully underprepared.  Of all the possible nefarious figures in the Iraq War, Powell would place very low—and well below the “no blood for oil” shriekers like Moore who derailed the pre-war conversation with conspiracy theories about why we were going.

But I digress.

So now you feel backed into a corner. 30 years ago this past Thursday (Thanksgiving) the Soviet generals had a cool idea—“Let’s invade Afghanistan!” Well, that turned out to be the final nail in the USSR coffin.

What a minute.  Is Mike suddenly saying the Reagan was right to support the Mujahideen?  Is he acknowledging the aggression of the Evil Empire?  Am I dreaming?  If so, why am I dreaming about fisking Michael Moore instead of my dreaming about naked ... uh ... art?

Mike goes into a long ramble about the history of Aghan invasions that demonstrates, clearly and definitively, that he knows how to work Wikipedia.  While these comparison are important, they are all example of nations attempting to conquer Afghanistan and turn it into part of their Empire.  What we are doing is a little different.  It’s hard to call it Empire expansion when our intention is to set up a permanent independent government and then get the hell out.

With our economic collapse still in full swing and our precious young men and women being sacrificed on the altar of arrogance and greed, the breakdown of this great civilization we call America will head, full throttle, into oblivion if you become the “war president.”

Wait.  Isn’t the economic crisis solved?

Empires never think the end is near, until the end is here. Empires think that more evil will force the heathens to toe the line—and yet it never works. The heathens usually tear them to shreds.

Patently ridiculous and ignorant.  I doubt that the Native Americans would think they tore us to shreds.  Nor would the vast swathes of people conquered by the British Empire, the French Empire, the Ottoman Empire, the Persian Empire ...

I have long thought that the most apt historical comparison to our own civilization is the Roman Empire (if nothing else, to steal a line from Eddie Izzard, I’m looking forward to the orgies and vomitariums). Any reading of Gibbon will reveal that expanding their Empire was never their problem.  Failing to defend it was.  Allowing the barbarians to storm the gates was.  Draw your own conclusions.

You know that nothing good can come from sending more troops halfway around the world to a place neither you nor they understand, to achieve an objective that neither you nor they understand, in a country that does not want us there. You can feel it in your bones.

Really?  They don’t want us there?  It’s hard to tell.  The opinion of the Aghan people is notoriously difficult to gauge.  As recently as February, they wanted us there.  The turning tide of opinion is not over whether Americans should be there, but whether we can accomplish the mission or not.

Maybe we can’t finish off the Taliban and create a stable government.  But the debate is a lot more subtle and complex than “they don’t want us there”.  And Obama has a whole State Department designed to figure this out so that he doesn’t have to “feel it in his bones”.  He can make judgements based on fact.

I know you know that there are LESS than a hundred al-Qaeda left in Afghanistan! A hundred thousand troops trying to crush a hundred guys living in caves? Are you serious? Have you drunk Bush’s Kool-Aid? I refuse to believe it.

Well, we aren’t fighting AQ anymore, Mike. We’re fighting the Taliban.  Try to keep up.

Also, part of the reason there are so few fighters is because of our invasion.  When this started, there were thousands.  Most of them are dead or captured and the rest are in Pakistan.  Our concern now is preventing the Taliban from retaking the country, imposing radical Islam and allowing Al-Queda a safe haven in which to rebuild.  Now maybe that’s not doable.  But this has become a far more complex situation than “Where in the World is Osama bin Laden?”

Choose carefully, Mr. President. Your corporate backers are going to abandon you as soon as it is clear you are a one-term president and that the nation will be safely back in the hands of the usual idiots who do their bidding. That could be Wednesday morning.

Corporate backers?  I thought Obama was elected by a groundswell from “the peepul”.  I do share Moore’s fear of what might happen if someone else gets into power.  Why they might even engage in a $6.5 trillion boondoggle involving huge bribes to drug companies, doctors and insurance companies.

We can’t take your caving in, over and over, when we elected you by a big, wide margin of millions to get in there and get the job done. What part of “landslide victory” don’t you understand?

Caving in?  On what?  Michael defines any difference between his wishes and Obama’s decisions as “caving in”.  This happens because Moore thinks his own opinions are Absolute Truth and any deviation from them is due to selfishness, cowardice or evil.  It never occurs to him that Obama might have an opinion of his own or that governing a fairly conservative country involves some compromise.  If Obama were truly going to “cave in” to the “haters”, he would have just accepted McChrystal’s recommendations months ago.

You would still be the victim of their incessant venom on hate radio and television because no matter what you do, you can’t change the one thing about yourself that sends them over the edge.

I’m guessing the “one thing” is his skin color.

What would Martin Luther King, Jr. do? What would your grandmother do?  Not spend billions and trillions to wage war while American children are sleeping on the streets and standing in bread lines.

Oh, Jesus Christ.  Has there been an actual explosion of homelessness and bread lines?  Are there zillions of invisible Hoovervilles all over the nation?  If so, then the situation has only gotten worse in the last ten months.  Who bears the blame for that, Michael?  The “haters”, the “crazies”, the “idiots”?  Or maybe the fools in charge?  At least a little bit?

Stop the killing. Stop the insane idea that men with guns can reorganize a nation that doesn’t even function as a nation and never, ever has. Stop, stop, stop! For the sake of the lives of young Americans and Afghan civilians, stop. For the sake of your presidency, hope, and the future of our nation, stop. For God’s sake, stop.

If he does, Michael, will you be willing to take credit for any chaos that follows?  Or will you own up if the Taliban returns to power?  If terror attacks start being launched from a failed state, will you accept this as the price of withdrawal?

There are always tradeoffs.  You want to make this simple—that all we have to do is “stop the killing” and everything will be butterflies and rainbows as it was in your hilariously rosy vision of pre-war Iraq.  But it’s not like that.  We don’t have any good options.  Even if we admit it was a mistake to invade Afghanistan—and I don’t—that decision can not be undone.  Leaving now is not the same as un-invading the country.  We have to deal with the situation we have now, not the one we had in 2001 and certainly not the one that exists only in your imagination.

Are you willing to accept the price—short- and long-term—of bringing they boys home?  Are you willing to oppose efforts to intervene in other horror spots like Darfur?  I’m something an isolationist myself but I accept that this means looking away from suffering that we could prevent.  Do you?

First, he goes through five things we should demand the President and Congress do immediately:

1. Declare a moratorium on all home evictions. Not one more family should be thrown out of their home. The banks must adjust their monthly mortgage payments to be in line with what people’s homes are now truly worth—and what they can afford. Also, it must be stated by law: If you lose your job, you cannot be tossed out of your home.

Hillary Clinton did, in fact, propose something like this.  Now let’s ignore that this would destroy the idea of the rule of law—our Constitutional right of contract would be permanently shredded, giving the Feds the unlimited power to rewrite contracts as they see fit.  Michael has never cared for the constitution or the law anyway.  No, let’s remember that no one would ever seriously propose this because of the devastating effect it would have on the country.

Eviction is one of the few tools in the bank’s arsenal—one they hate to use because they lose tens of thousands of dollars every time they enact a foreclosure.  Without that tool, there is less incentive for people to make their mortgage payments, especially when money is tight.  If Mikey wants to trigger another bank bailout, that’s a perfect way to do it.

But it gets worse.  To compensate for their inability to foreclose, banks will demand more money up front and higher interest rates for any new borrowers.  Fewer people will be able to buy homes.  People who prudently saved their money during the housing bubble will be screwed.  The result will be a collapse of the real estate market and real estate prices.  Demand for new houses—and those yummy constructions jobs associated with them—will vanish.

So apart from its ability to simultaneously crash the real estate market, the banking system and the economy, this is a fine idea.

2. Congress must join the civilized world and expand Medicare For All Americans. A single, nonprofit source must run a universal health care system that covers everyone. Medical bills are now the #1 cause of bankruptcies and evictions in this country. Medicare For All will end this misery

And replace it with a different sort of misery.  60 minutes just ran a story about how easy it is to defraud the Medicare system.  The reason for this is that Medicare’s administration is criminally small, focused on just doling out money without review so that they appear “efficient”.  The program has swelled and continues to swell beyond anyone’s expectation, despite shifting much of its costs to the private sector.  Simply dumping everyone into this system without any cost controls is a recipe for fiscal catastrophe (and will necessitate massive tax hikes).  And cost controls—assuming you can get any past AARP—mean rationing, mean an end of innovation, mean a political scrabble for the government pile of money, means government money going to quackery like Therapeutic Touch.

3. Demand publicly-funded elections and a prohibition on elected officials leaving office and becoming lobbyists.

This is forcing people to pay for the promulgation of views with which they disagree.  Suppose, for example, I favor drug legalization.  Now I’m having to fork over my tax money so that both parties can run on the War on Drugs.

And what happens to third parties under this system, Michael?  Do you really think our two parties are going to let guys like your buddy Ralph Nader have serious campaigns?  That’s a recipe for political stagnation as, historically, ideas for change have come from outside parties that can focus on ideas rather than elections.

As for the ban on politicians becoming lobbyists, I don’t have much of a problem apart from my general disposition toward freedom.  I would much rather cut the influence of special interests by cutting government so that it is no longer worth their time to lobby government.  But what does Mikey think of Obama granting all these waivers so that lobbyists can work in his Administration?  Does he really want to ban Bill Clinton from lobbying on behalf of certain interests?  Or prevent politicians from helping out Big Labor?  Always remember that, to Mike, “special interests” excludes any interests he likes.

4. Each of the 50 states must create a state-owned public bank like they have in North Dakota. Then congress MUST reinstate all the strict pre-Reagan regulations on all commercial banks, investment firms, insurance companies—and all the other industries that have been savaged by deregulation: Airlines, the food industry, pharmaceutical companies—you name it. If a company’s primary motive to exist is to make a profit, then it needs a set of stringent rules to live by—and the first rule is “Do no harm.” The second rule: The question must always be asked—“Is this for the common good?”

This would be the state-run banks like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, who are still losing money and getting bailed out by the taxpapers?  And I’m sure it would be great for the county to return to the Carter-era economy.  There’s really no question among economists that airline and telecom deregulation have been good things, producing cheap flights to Flint and cheaper cellphones.  Focus especially on the later.  The development of modern telecommunications, something deregulation was a critical part of, has proven to be one of the great forces for freedom—as being demonstrated even now in Iran.

Thinking all our problems will be solved by more regulation is to indulge in magical thinking.  Sacrificing more money and power to Washington in the hopes that it will heal what ails us is no more rational than sacrificing virgins to the Sun God.

5. Save this fragile planet and declare that all the energy resources above and beneath the ground are owned collectively by all of us. Just like they do it in Sarah Palin’s socialist Alaska.

The stupidity of this statement is too much even for Mikey.  He want to model our energy policy on the graft and corruption of Alaska?! He has a point—the US is one of the few countries that has not nationalized its energy industry.  As a result, our energy industry—as bad as it is—is not the cesspool of corruption, inefficiency and pollution that it is in many countries—countries like the communist paradise being run by Mikey’s buddy Hugo Chavez.

Now he has five ways to “make Congress and the President listen to us”.  Not much to argue with here:

1. Each of us must get into the daily habit of taking 5 minutes to make four brief calls: One to the President (202-456-1414), one to your Congressperson (202-224-3121) and one to each of your two Senators (202-224-3121)

Actually, letters tend to be more effective, especially if they’re not boilerplate.  I have never failed to received a response—usually a very polite and intelligent one—when I’ve written a physical letter to a Member of Congress.

2. Take over your local Democratic Party.

3. Recruit someone to run for office who can win in your local elections next year—or, better yet, consider running for office yourself!

I’m all in favor of this.  Nothing will vault the GOP back into power faster than have the Moore-ons take over the Democratic Party.

4. Show up. Picket the local branch of a big bank that took the bailout money. Hold vigils and marches. Consider civil disobedience. Those town hall meetings are open to you, too (and there’s more of us than there are of them!).

Wouldn’t want to be like those raucous tea-partiers now.  I would point out that there are not more of “us” than there are of “them”.  Poll after poll shows that there are far more conservatives in this country than liberals, almost 2-to-1 in the nation as a whole.  At the lowest ebb, conservatives are just below independents (who tend to lean right).  I know that it doesn’t seem like that.  But that’s because conservatives are more likely to have jobs and, until recently, less likely to be marching in the streets.

5. Start your own media. You. Just you (or you and a couple friends). The mainstream media is owned by corporate America and, with few exceptions, it will never tell the whole truth—so you have to do it! Start a blog!

Unless it’s a conservative blog, of course.  And be prepared—if you blog, people will challenge your preconceptions.  You will learn that things are a lot more complicated than they are in Mike’s movies.  You will learn that the other side is not unadulterated evil—they have reasons for what they believe.

Joking aside, I don’t disagree much with the middle five of Mike’s suggestions.  People should be more involved in their government.  At the very least, it would be good for the Moore-ons to learn first-hand that all governing is done by compromise and tradeoffs.  Someone making movies or sitting in a college dorm room can spin little fantasies about single payer healthcare systems.  But once those grandiose plans make contact with reality, you discover it’s not so easy.  Opponents have legitimate arguments against it; unintended consequences are rife; and small steps become much more doable than massive changes.  Exposure to reality is always a good thing.  Get cracking, Moore-ons!

Mike then has some personal advice.  Once again, there are some pears of wisdom buried in a big pile of manure.

1. Take your money out of your bank if it took bailout money and place it in a locally-owned bank or, preferably, a credit union.

I don’t disagree with this at all.  Small banks were far more prudent over the last decade.  Be aware, however, that you will lose the advantages of a national bank, such as pervasive ATMs.

2. Get rid of all your credit cards but one—the kind where you have to pay up at the end of the month or you lose your card.

In principle, I don’t disagree with this.  However, there are time when credit cards can be a lifesaver.  Earlier this year, my family had more mortgages than jobs and had to live off our credit cards for a while.  We paid them off once we sold our old home.  Soon, we will have to have our roof replaced.  Delaying it until we’ve saved up enough will just cause more expensive damage to the house.

Better advice would be to only run up long-term credit card debts when absolutely necessary.  Always remember that, when you have credit card debt, the interest makes every purchase cost twice the ticket price.  There is no such thing as a sale when you’re in hock to the credit card companies.

3. Do not invest in the stock market. If you have any extra cash, put it away in a savings account or, if you can, pay down on your mortgage so you can own your home as soon as possible. You can also buy very safe government savings bonds or T-bills. Or just buy your mother some flowers.

Flowers?  I thought we weren’t supposed to be using credit cards?  And why would you want to pay off your mortgage when you can’t be evicted and Mikey’s mortgage freeze is going to destroy the value of your home anyway?

I will agree that playing the stock market is a fool’s game.  But over the long haul, through boom and bust, a broad dollar-cost-averaged stock market portfolio—e. g., a typical 401k or IRA—would have returned 5-7% interest over any decades-long period in the market’s history.  This is better than 0% currently being returned by bonds (which are not that safe when government is trillions in debt).  The key to saving money is diversity—stocks, bonds, savings accounts, etc.

I have better advice—ignore the stock market.  Put part of every paycheck in a broad array of investments and don’t worry about the bumps and dips of the markets.

4. Unionize your workplace so that you and your coworkers have a say in how your business is run.

These would be the union-run business that are going bankrupt.  And the unions that have become badly corrupt.

5. Take care of yourself and your family. Sorry to go all Oprah on you, but she’s right: Find a place of peace in your life and make the choice to be around people who are not full of negativity and cynicism. Look for those who nurture and love. Turn off the TV and the Blackberry and go for a 30-minute walk every day. Eat fruits and vegetables and cut down on anything that has sugar, high fructose corn syrup, white flour or too much sodium (salt) in it (and, as Michael Pollan says, “Eat (real) food, not too much, mostly plants"). Get seven hours of sleep each night and take the time to read a book a month.

Actually, I don’t have a problem with this.  It’s difficult to find time for this in a bad economy.  But no one ever lay on their death bed wishing they’d watched more TV.  When I had two mortgages, I cancelled cable to save money.  I don’t miss it (except during football season) and don’t plan to turn it back on anytime soon.  Our new home also has a great veggie garden and an 80% reduction in our commute time.  I can’t express how much better this had made our lives.  So—on this one idea—Moore and I are in compete ag- ...  we are in complete agre-… Come on.  I can do this.  We are in complete agreement.

(Note to self: take shower now).

This seems to be a running theme on Moorewatch these days.  Mike is turning up the occasional truffle as he roots around in the dirt.  It almost breaks your heart to think of what he could do if he weren’t so beholden to ignorant liberal ideology.