Dear SantaMoore,

Mike,

I know that we’ve been here before, what with your previous gift and all.  Let me tell you, that really seems to have turned your core faithful into rabid hate machines.  They’ve been at my throat since the day the news went public, so, Mission Accomplished!

I was thinking...you probably enjoy seeing me suffer under the burden of your generosity, so why not give that tiger one more poke?  I would really, really love one of these.  Think about how mad the fanbase would be at me if I was forced to post, on December the 25th, the morning of the two thousand and seventh celebration of the birth of Our Lord Jesus Christ, that Michael Moore bought me a 24” hi-def monitor!

They’d tear me apart.  You should totally do this.  That’d show him!  I mean me.  That’d show me!

Eagerly awaiting Santa’s arrival,

JimK*

Do My Laundy?

How desperate is Michael Moore getting? This week is apparently take a Republican to SiCKO! week:

Here’s what I’m going to do. Because last weekend’s “Win a Trip to a Universal Healthcare Country” was so successful (the winner will be announced next week), this weekend we’re going to try something different: it’s “Take a Republican to ‘Sicko!’” C’mon, we all have a conservative in the family!

I like that a conservative is now a black sheep designation.

They mean well. It’s just that they believe what they’ve been told about that scary “socialized medicine.”

Well, because we have a tendency to believe things that are true.

Treat them to the movie this weekend and tell them to send me their ticket stub and entry form. I will hold a drawing and the lucky winner will get to have me come to their home and do their laundry—just like in France! Now, what would make a Republican happier than to see me working away in their laundry room?!

Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t trust Michael Moore to do my laundry. The next thing I know, he’d be handing me a smoldering pile of underwear and telling me that Fruit of the Loom is secretly in league with Bush to enslave third world kids in sweat shops. His next movie would be about how we need “single payer” laundering because I lost a sock.

Use the comments to suggest other ways Moore would “Moore-ize” the doing of laundry. I’m sure you guys are funnier than I am.

What A Fat Bastard

A minute ago I was looking for a picture of Fat Bastard, the character from the Austin Powers movies, so I went to Google Image Search and typed in “fat bastard”.  In addition to pictures of Fat Bastard there were numerous pictures of Michael Moore from various websites.  So you can imagine how amusing I found it to discover that one of the linked images, shown here, is from Michael Moore’s own website.  It’s the picture of Mikey doing the “Loser” sign at the GOP Convention last year.

I guess even Michael Moore’s own staff knows what a fat bastard that fat bastard is.

Taking Out Dubya

Someone was after Bush.

Before he was captured last spring, Osama Bin Laden’s top operational commander was solely focused on killing President Bush and Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharaff, the Daily News has learned.

The capture last May of Al Qaeda’s No. 3 leader, Abu Faraj Al-Libi, apparently thwarted plots to assassinate the two partners in the global war on terror, said a senior Pakistani official, whose information was corroborated by two senior U.S. counterterrorism officials.

“Al-Libi had one mission: Kill Bush and Musharraf,” the Pakistani official told The News. “He wanted to kill Bush in the White House, preferably.”

“It was clearly something they wanted to do. There’s no question about that. It’s the holy grail of jihad,” a senior U.S. counterterrorism official confirmed.

Al-Libi organized several failed assassination attempts on Musharraf before he was nabbed, officials have said. But the plot by Al Qaeda’s international operations chief to send assassins to the U.S. to kill Bush was only disclosed this week.

The officials asked for anonymity because details of the Bush plot are still highly classified. The officials added that there is little evidence the U.S. mission advanced beyond initial planning by Al-Libi in Pakistan.

This immediately provoked a response from many left-wing pundits and groups.  In a statement on his website Michael Moore decried the “fascist Bush administration’s meddling in the private affairs of citizens in another state.  These men are not assassins, they’re Revolutionaries, Minutemen, and Freedom Fighters, standing up to the evil monster that is currently engaged in an illegal occupation of the United States government.” MoveOn.org echoed similar sentiments when it said “This is nothing more than the latest example of the Bush administration stopping at nothing to save their own skins.  Hating the president and wishing he was dead is a legitimate act of dissent.  Planning the assassination of a president as evil as Bush is the living embodiment of patriotism and love of country.  And, of course, the fascist Bush junta had to quash this dissent wherever these brave men could be found.  It’s a sad, sad day for freedom and democracy when planning the assassination of the president, something all of us do on nearly a daily basis, is considered a crime.”

Fahrenheit 1861

WHat if Moore got all Ken Burns on us?  We’d have gotten Fahrenheit 1861.

Not off topic: The Starkcast 015

This week’s show has a nice little Moore feature.

DISCLAIMER: If you are Christian (any form thereof) and you are offended by the use of religious icons in comedy, please do not download this program.  At all.  It will offend you.  You were warned.  Don’t complain if you decide to listen.

Get it here in MP3 or here in bookmarkable AAC.

TOPICS

- Vote for me at Podcast Alley!
- Patrick Melton is mad at me!  Oh noes!  Emily gets pissed.
- Your voicemails
- Another shot at The Aristocrats joke
- Jesus is back from the dead, and boy is he pissed
- Secret footage of Michael Moore’s unreleased documentary
- Two Minute Rant: Stuff that is obvious, like politicians sucking and military personnel not being children
-Show Close: I’m clearly not well, more voicemails, Sean D. should stop listening, goodbye.  Again, nothing happens after I say goodbye.  Nothing at all.

Update
Also, in Page Six gossip news:

August 23, 2005— THERE may soon be less of Michael Moore. The portly propagandist is doing a stint at the Pritikin Longevity Center & Spa in Aventura, Fla. — also known as the “fat farm for the rich.” Moore is learning how to cook healthy meals and exercise and attending classes on “life re-education.” The program starts at $3,800 a week and promises enrolees they’ll “learn a new approach to eating,” “never have to diet again,” and can lose up to 12 pounds in the first three weeks. The facility also has “cosmetic/medical treatments, such as intense pulsed light, botox injections, and Restylane.”

Good luck, Mikey.  We sure do need you around for many more years, making shit up and giving us all plenty to work with.  Good loss-ing!

People are…well, strange

I don’t quite know what to make of this. I do know that I am surprised that GoldenPalace.com hasn’t bought it yet.  :)

Thanks to rypinski24 for the link!

Hell has frozen over

Mike has capitulated.  Sort of.

Ulterior Motive?

If you’ve been wondering what Mikey has been up to lately, wonder no more.

Authorities in Monroe are searching for a man known as the “Michael Moore bandit.”

The man, who police say earned the nickname because of his resemblance to the filmmaker, is wanted in the armed robbery of a Standard Federal Bank at about 9:20 a.m. on Saturday.

Police said the man entered the bank at 602 Monroe Avenue and implied that he had a weapon. An undetermined amount of cash was taken in the robbery.

The man was last seen walking south from the bank.

He’s described as white, in his 40s, 6 feet tall, with a beard and wearing a plaid shirt and a baseball cap.

Police said the man is also wanted for two robberies in Westland and for a robbery in Carleton, Mich.

Now we know why Mikey was so adamant that those guns shouldn’t be in the bank.

Fun at Mikey’s expense

Holy cow, could a few more people send me these two links?  :)

First up, The Onion “reports” that ”Michael Moore Honored With New Ben & Jerry’s Flavor.” It’s a very appropriate flavor, although I might have gone with “Pistachio I’m-nuts” or “I hate Bush so much that I can’t figure out a witty name for this ice cream and Nader is a big jerky face.”

Second is a choice role for Mikey, although he clearly can’t take it because as we all know, he doesn’t appear in anyone else’s films.

And as a pre-emptive strike: Anyone who sees this post and feels the need to complain, especially to take the time to write an email, let me save both of us some time and reply now: Lighten up and/or eat me, depending on the severity of the vitriol you were about to sling at me. 

A Salute

In honor of the Iraqi elections, over at Right-Thinking I have a special salute to Michael Moore and his ilk.

How’d I miss this?

Fark Photoshop thread on Moore.  Some funny stuff, some unfunny, some biting and to the point.

What worries me is I read TotalFark every few hours and I missed this one entirely!  I think my brain is opening presents early and can’t be arsed to pay attention.  :)

Hat tip: Right Wing News

I promise, this is the last one

After this, I will not post again unless I have something serious to say.  I promise.  But c’mon how am I supposed to pass this up?  I’m just a man, people...I’m just a man.  :)

If you’re not a Day by Day reader, you should be.

Hat tip: Daily Pundit, someone else you should be reading.

Merry Christmas, Mikey

Now that’s funny. I don’ kerr who ya arr, thet raht ther is funny.

/LarryTheCableGuy

(P.S. Actualy relevant topics coming soon.)

The Search for Spock?

Have some fun with this one.

Rejected Titles for the Sequel to Fahrenheit 9/11

“Director Michael Moore is planning a sequel to Fahrenheit 9/11 [...] dubbed Fahrenheit 9/11 and 1/2” - Reuters

* Fahrenheit 9/12

* Fahrenheit 9/11: Episode II

* Fahrenheit 9/11, Too

* Fahrenheit 9/3-D

* Out of Context, Shmout of Context

* Fahrenheit 9/11: Electric Bugaloo

* Fahrenheit Ka-Ching!!!!

* Fahrenheit 9/11 Meets Frankenstein

* Fahrenheit 9/11 Rides Again

* Getting Republicans 55% of the Vote

* Fahrenheit 9/11 Finds a Son

* Young Fahrenheit 9/11

* The Martian Chronicles

Hmm…

Fahrenheit 1822: This Time It’s Personal

Fahrenheit 9/11: Die Fahrenheiter

Fahrenheit 9/11: The Undiscovered Diet Plan

Honey I Blew Up The Filmmaker

Salt in the wound

I know, I know.  But I can’t help it.

This mosaic is made of Bush campaign photos.  I find the irony delicious.  :)

Irrelevant?

For those of you who didn’t make it over to instapundit today, Reynolds posted this:

You know, when I was in France this summer, I never saw any Michael Moore or Jerry Lewis DVD’s in the “bargain bin”. I wonder why they’re not coveted here as much? 

Riptide RULED!

Donald Trump takes on the Kerry Squad. Someone’s fired here, and I know it wasn’t Chimpy McFlightsuit.  ;)

(TRUMP:) You. You’re quiet in all this. What do you have to say for yourself? Should you be fired for this loss?

MICHAEL MOORE: I don’t think so.

TRUMP: Why not? What did you contribute to the team?

MOORE: I wrote, directed, and starred in the highest-grossing documentary of all time, a film that bravely exposed the corruption and incompetence of the Bush Administration. I won the Palm d’Or at Cannes, I swept the balloting at the Golden Globes, I won the--

TRUMP: Can I ask you a question?

MOORE: Yes.

TRUMP: While you were winning all these awards, did you ever think to yourself, hey, maybe I should shave once in a while? Maybe, you know, tuck my shirt in? Maybe I could afford to drop a couple dozen pounds? Appearances count in business, Mike.

MOORE: I dress as what I am. I’m a proud son of blue collar parents, a lifetime resident of Flint, Michigan--

TRUMP: Mike, you live in one of my buildings. You pay me rent every month. I know, because you’re always trying to pay me in buffalo wings.

MOORE: But my primary residence--

TRUMP: Is a half mile away from my breathtaking Maya Largo estate in Palm Beach. We belong to the same country club. You practically live at the aromatherapy spa. So, you know, knock it off with the working class hero crap. And, quite frankly, working class doesn’t mean obese and unkempt.
(unsure; turns to Carolyn)
It doesn’t, does it?

CAROLYN: It’s not required, no.

TRUMP: That’s what I thought. Because I know I see a lot of working class women that are in pretty damn good shape. Not as beautiful as my beautiful fiance Maritza, of course. But still-- they put themselves together pretty nice. I’d take a run at them, I’ll tell you that.

BLACKIE LAWLESS: I have a question for Mike, Mr. Trump.

TRUMP: Shoot.

BLACKIE LAWLESS: ARE YOU—READY—TO—ROOOOCKKKK?!!?

Go.  Read.  It’s funny.

Hat tip: Drumwaster

This you gotta see

Blogolution.com has gotten even with Mikey.

It’s made of fast food and failed candidates.  Go to their site for the larger version.  Funny stuff!  Oh, and a pre-emptive strike for the Moore-ons who are already typing their complain about another cheap shot joke: Suck it up, people.  Moore’s a satirist and attacks his political enemies all the time with this kind of thing.  Fair is fair and this is funny.  Get over yourselves.

Update

Here’s another one that was left in the comments the other day by Rich.  Sore loser...see, it’s made of sores.  SORES!  OK, not quite as funny, but pretty gross.  ;)

OK!  I’ll link it!

I must have 50 email over the last couple of weeks telling me to link this.  OK!  I’ll do it!

What is Fellowship 9/11?
A) Michael Moore’s searing examination of the Aragorn administration’s actions in the
wake of the tragic events at Helms Deep. 
B) A short film already viewed by more than 100,000 people on IFILM.COM.
C) Funny.
D) A documentary that should be aired by TV stations the night before the election.
E) All of the above.

Good stuff.